commentary: circadian rhythms
circadian rhythms
oikawa/kuroo, 9.2k, T
When Sawamura found out that Kuroo had accepted a spot on the university volleyball team playing alongside Sendai native Oikawa Tooru, Sawamura’s first reaction was to burst into shocked laughter on their LINE video call. Then he blanched, recovered, and said in a suspiciously neutral tone, “He’s alright,” which turned out to be somehow both an understatement and also a bold-faced lie.
*
1. background
I watched and LOVED the first season of HQ back in 2015 but fell off that summer after I didn't keep up with the manga and just never looked back. I kind of grew out of my interest in manga/anime from 2015 until the beginning of 2021, when my roommate had an urge to watch an anime and without hesitation I said HAIKYUU. I made her watch it with me and got myself hooked again. After a while of being sick of skipping fic with timeskip spoilers I was like man... I'm just going to read the manga so I can stop cowering in fear every time I even THINK I see spoilers.
It took me a very very very long time to read the manga because I didn't want it to end. I was stuck on chapter 105 for MONTHS and then I had a panic spiral where I was like. Well. I could die at any moment. And I want to die after finishing HQ. So around April I sped through the manga as fast as I could and I absolutely lost my mind when I got to chapter 175 - and in the corner I saw Oikawa and Kuroo glaring at each other. And I was like MAN. This is IT. I'm gonna send them AWAY TO SCHOOL TOGETHER.
*
2. writing process
I'm a very straightforward writer in that I can't skip around and write scenes out of order, so the first sentence of the fic was the first sentence I wrote. I don't outline at all and I just kind of ~go with the flow~ for better or for worse. It went through a few iterations but I like how it reads now, with Daichi being a little bit of an ass, deliberately obtuse. The idea of Oikawa being alright as both the truth and a lie was funny to me - alright at volleyball with a not alright personality.
Sometimes writing is easy and openings just come to you like having a vision - that was exactly that line. It set the voice I wanted to convey, and I think it was pretty important to me that Daichi was their only connection, because they're strangers to each other. And then I was like well I guess for the sake of... me... they can't be TOTAL strangers to each other, so I wrote in the bits about Volleyball Monthly. In the first draft, I just left it like that, but as I kept writing, I felt like Kuroo's annoyance seemed out of place, so I seeded in the parts about Oikawa's fake smile, and, later, Kuroo's desire to see a genuine one. Did it work??? I don't know... tbh I am lukewarm about the motivation but uhh... it's too late now!!!!
I wrote the first scene around mid-April, and like most WIPs where the first line comes to me easily, I also gave up easily. Then I found myself on a 6 hour plane ride and I finished a book but didn't want to start another, so I was like. Well. I have my laptop. I think I'll write??? And then I wrote the entire second scene. I picked Konoha randomly - I wanted a Tokyo player who wasn't Bokuto, and I wanted to illustrate that Oikawa was kind of a nobody outside of Miyagi. Then I had a great time at a wedding, didn't touch the WIP for a week, and then as soon as I got home I had a BURNING desire to finish, and then it absolutely snowballed.
I don't know what happened... I think I wrote like 8k in a week or two??? I'm not a very prolific writer at all, but I just couldn't stop. I said this to a group chat but it was like I got possessed by the spirit of a fujoshi who ships two dudes who have never met in canon before...
Anyway the ending was originally at around 4.6k words, after Oikawa doesn't make the starting lineup and Kuroo comes over to apologize. They were meant to k*ss then but when I was reading it through it felt way too sudden, and u know me... I simply luv 2 not seed in romantic feelingz, so the kiss would've been totally out of the blue. So I was like OK, well I can write like ONE more scene. AND THEN I WROTE 4000 MORE WORDS... because I don't respect myself...
I had trouble with Kuroo as a character... Honestly I think the problem is that I am too dumb... His motivation was hard for me to write - I wanted them to have friction initially, but transitioning from annoyance to ~a crush~ was hard! Romance is something that I'm still tackling as a writer. I luv 2 read feelings but it's hard for me to write any kind of feelings at all!!! In the first draft it was kind of a scenario fic (i.e. "what if oikuro went to school together lol") but no answers to the scenario, so I had to go back and add some softness. My solution was that for Kuroo to find Oikawa h*t, but resent him for being (what he perceives as) ~fake, and then deepen those feelings with... feeling comfortable around each other to sleep next to each other... I do not know if this worked. I do not even want to talk about Oikawa's motivation as a character... I think he hangs around because he thought he saw himself in Kuroo. Did that come across clearly... Again... It's too late now!!!!!!!
The title was originally is it any coincidence that you and i. This was a complete nonsense title that I just came up with on the fly, because I couldn't take looking at Untitled 1 anymore, and I figured that their meeting was kind of coincidental. The title circadian rhythms didn't come to me after I wrote the scene of them texting each other at night, and Kuroo figuring out that he sleeps easier with Oikawa. I had a big think about themes and I was like... well... I guess the theme is....... sleeping.................. Anyway, I liked the last line, the parallel of ~~~falling asleep~~~ and ~~~falling for a person~~~ tbh I think it's quite basic but ummmmm pretty effective??
*
3. some ~close reading~
After Kuroo lost brutally in rock-paper-scissors for the showers, he returned to the first years’ room only to find that Oikawa had laid out his futon next to his.
My original vision for this fic was to have them sleep in opposite ends of each other, and then gradually sleep closer and closer as training camp went on. But the fic ended up being more about internal thoughts (as my writing is wont to do...) and not at all about sports camp, which is great for me because I do not know a single thing about sports, so it wouldn't have made sense timeline-wise. But I had to scrap a great word (kitty-corner!!!!) to just have them sleep next to each other right off the bat.
What’s his damage?
Sawamura didn’t respond right away. Kuroo thought he’d fallen asleep until a reply rolled in: I think it’s because Ushiwaka broke his spirit in middle school.
So now he’s breaking MY spirit?, Kuroo complained. For revenge? Do I look like Ushiwaka?
You’re both equally ugly LOL, Sawamura said
I'm sorry... but I think this is the funniest text exchange I've ever written in my life... I like the idea of nice teen dad Daichi being very straightforwardly mean like that...
The world spun; the temperatures rose and fell; the sun went up, went down. Kuroo went to practice; they rotated onto the same teams; Oikawa unrolled his futon next to his.
I liked this line... I wanted the parallel of ~everything changes all the time but some things stay constant~ with nature and feelingz
It was then Kuroo realized what it was he was actually missing: him, on the verge of sleep, on the verge of falling, and then Oikawa quietly padding up to him, unrolling his futon next to his, and Kuroo quietly falling all the way.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FALLING ASLEEP AND FALLING IN LOVE
I wish you wouldn’t jest like this!!! Your taste in home decor probably sucks!!!
I feel like... I nailed the Oikawa voice here... nowhere else... but I did it here........
“I want to make you feel something real,” Kuroo said
When I'm writing, sometimes lines will come to me (like voices from the beyond...) and I will jot them down on the bottom of the document as reminders. This line was one of the first lines I wrote, way back in the beginning. My original vision was something kind of ~smexy~ and ~antagonistic~ and was something like "You're such a fucking fake. I'm going to make you feel something real." In like... the locker room or something... But I was like oh wait I do not know how to write that... so this is how it ended up...
*
4. playlist
I don't really believe in making writing playlists but I DO put the same song/album on repeat. Here are a few things I was listening on repeat:
PRETTYMUCH - Phases ♪
Wonstein - Infrared Camera ♪
Still Woozy - Window ♪
Olivia Dean - The Hardest Part ♪
Dijon - WILD ♪
+ Wonstein's ZOO album ♪
I don't necessarily need music to create the same ~mood as whatever I'm writing! This is just what I happened to be listening to ^_^
oikawa/kuroo, 9.2k, T
When Sawamura found out that Kuroo had accepted a spot on the university volleyball team playing alongside Sendai native Oikawa Tooru, Sawamura’s first reaction was to burst into shocked laughter on their LINE video call. Then he blanched, recovered, and said in a suspiciously neutral tone, “He’s alright,” which turned out to be somehow both an understatement and also a bold-faced lie.
*
1. background
I watched and LOVED the first season of HQ back in 2015 but fell off that summer after I didn't keep up with the manga and just never looked back. I kind of grew out of my interest in manga/anime from 2015 until the beginning of 2021, when my roommate had an urge to watch an anime and without hesitation I said HAIKYUU. I made her watch it with me and got myself hooked again. After a while of being sick of skipping fic with timeskip spoilers I was like man... I'm just going to read the manga so I can stop cowering in fear every time I even THINK I see spoilers.
It took me a very very very long time to read the manga because I didn't want it to end. I was stuck on chapter 105 for MONTHS and then I had a panic spiral where I was like. Well. I could die at any moment. And I want to die after finishing HQ. So around April I sped through the manga as fast as I could and I absolutely lost my mind when I got to chapter 175 - and in the corner I saw Oikawa and Kuroo glaring at each other. And I was like MAN. This is IT. I'm gonna send them AWAY TO SCHOOL TOGETHER.
*
2. writing process
I'm a very straightforward writer in that I can't skip around and write scenes out of order, so the first sentence of the fic was the first sentence I wrote. I don't outline at all and I just kind of ~go with the flow~ for better or for worse. It went through a few iterations but I like how it reads now, with Daichi being a little bit of an ass, deliberately obtuse. The idea of Oikawa being alright as both the truth and a lie was funny to me - alright at volleyball with a not alright personality.
Sometimes writing is easy and openings just come to you like having a vision - that was exactly that line. It set the voice I wanted to convey, and I think it was pretty important to me that Daichi was their only connection, because they're strangers to each other. And then I was like well I guess for the sake of... me... they can't be TOTAL strangers to each other, so I wrote in the bits about Volleyball Monthly. In the first draft, I just left it like that, but as I kept writing, I felt like Kuroo's annoyance seemed out of place, so I seeded in the parts about Oikawa's fake smile, and, later, Kuroo's desire to see a genuine one. Did it work??? I don't know... tbh I am lukewarm about the motivation but uhh... it's too late now!!!!
I wrote the first scene around mid-April, and like most WIPs where the first line comes to me easily, I also gave up easily. Then I found myself on a 6 hour plane ride and I finished a book but didn't want to start another, so I was like. Well. I have my laptop. I think I'll write??? And then I wrote the entire second scene. I picked Konoha randomly - I wanted a Tokyo player who wasn't Bokuto, and I wanted to illustrate that Oikawa was kind of a nobody outside of Miyagi. Then I had a great time at a wedding, didn't touch the WIP for a week, and then as soon as I got home I had a BURNING desire to finish, and then it absolutely snowballed.
I don't know what happened... I think I wrote like 8k in a week or two??? I'm not a very prolific writer at all, but I just couldn't stop. I said this to a group chat but it was like I got possessed by the spirit of a fujoshi who ships two dudes who have never met in canon before...
Anyway the ending was originally at around 4.6k words, after Oikawa doesn't make the starting lineup and Kuroo comes over to apologize. They were meant to k*ss then but when I was reading it through it felt way too sudden, and u know me... I simply luv 2 not seed in romantic feelingz, so the kiss would've been totally out of the blue. So I was like OK, well I can write like ONE more scene. AND THEN I WROTE 4000 MORE WORDS... because I don't respect myself...
I had trouble with Kuroo as a character... Honestly I think the problem is that I am too dumb... His motivation was hard for me to write - I wanted them to have friction initially, but transitioning from annoyance to ~a crush~ was hard! Romance is something that I'm still tackling as a writer. I luv 2 read feelings but it's hard for me to write any kind of feelings at all!!! In the first draft it was kind of a scenario fic (i.e. "what if oikuro went to school together lol") but no answers to the scenario, so I had to go back and add some softness. My solution was that for Kuroo to find Oikawa h*t, but resent him for being (what he perceives as) ~fake, and then deepen those feelings with... feeling comfortable around each other to sleep next to each other... I do not know if this worked. I do not even want to talk about Oikawa's motivation as a character... I think he hangs around because he thought he saw himself in Kuroo. Did that come across clearly... Again... It's too late now!!!!!!!
The title was originally is it any coincidence that you and i. This was a complete nonsense title that I just came up with on the fly, because I couldn't take looking at Untitled 1 anymore, and I figured that their meeting was kind of coincidental. The title circadian rhythms didn't come to me after I wrote the scene of them texting each other at night, and Kuroo figuring out that he sleeps easier with Oikawa. I had a big think about themes and I was like... well... I guess the theme is....... sleeping.................. Anyway, I liked the last line, the parallel of ~~~falling asleep~~~ and ~~~falling for a person~~~ tbh I think it's quite basic but ummmmm pretty effective??
*
3. some ~close reading~
After Kuroo lost brutally in rock-paper-scissors for the showers, he returned to the first years’ room only to find that Oikawa had laid out his futon next to his.
My original vision for this fic was to have them sleep in opposite ends of each other, and then gradually sleep closer and closer as training camp went on. But the fic ended up being more about internal thoughts (as my writing is wont to do...) and not at all about sports camp, which is great for me because I do not know a single thing about sports, so it wouldn't have made sense timeline-wise. But I had to scrap a great word (kitty-corner!!!!) to just have them sleep next to each other right off the bat.
What’s his damage?
Sawamura didn’t respond right away. Kuroo thought he’d fallen asleep until a reply rolled in: I think it’s because Ushiwaka broke his spirit in middle school.
So now he’s breaking MY spirit?, Kuroo complained. For revenge? Do I look like Ushiwaka?
You’re both equally ugly LOL, Sawamura said
I'm sorry... but I think this is the funniest text exchange I've ever written in my life... I like the idea of nice teen dad Daichi being very straightforwardly mean like that...
The world spun; the temperatures rose and fell; the sun went up, went down. Kuroo went to practice; they rotated onto the same teams; Oikawa unrolled his futon next to his.
I liked this line... I wanted the parallel of ~everything changes all the time but some things stay constant~ with nature and feelingz
It was then Kuroo realized what it was he was actually missing: him, on the verge of sleep, on the verge of falling, and then Oikawa quietly padding up to him, unrolling his futon next to his, and Kuroo quietly falling all the way.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FALLING ASLEEP AND FALLING IN LOVE
I wish you wouldn’t jest like this!!! Your taste in home decor probably sucks!!!
I feel like... I nailed the Oikawa voice here... nowhere else... but I did it here........
“I want to make you feel something real,” Kuroo said
When I'm writing, sometimes lines will come to me (like voices from the beyond...) and I will jot them down on the bottom of the document as reminders. This line was one of the first lines I wrote, way back in the beginning. My original vision was something kind of ~smexy~ and ~antagonistic~ and was something like "You're such a fucking fake. I'm going to make you feel something real." In like... the locker room or something... But I was like oh wait I do not know how to write that... so this is how it ended up...
*
4. playlist
I don't really believe in making writing playlists but I DO put the same song/album on repeat. Here are a few things I was listening on repeat:
PRETTYMUCH - Phases ♪
Wonstein - Infrared Camera ♪
Still Woozy - Window ♪
Olivia Dean - The Hardest Part ♪
Dijon - WILD ♪
+ Wonstein's ZOO album ♪
I don't necessarily need music to create the same ~mood as whatever I'm writing! This is just what I happened to be listening to ^_^
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